It’s 11:52 at night and I can’t sleep. So many thoughts are running around in my head.

Before I started to write this blog, I started to think of some relationships I have back in the states and how I can incorporate them in this blog. If you read my last post, you know that I’ve been going through some trials throughout the past few weeks. I wrote about finding the Father in the midst of my brokenness and how He has filled me with unending joy and courage to face the day before me.

To follow-up on that recent update, I’ve been keeping a watch out for things God may be showing me. However, I think we all know that God doesn’t just pull back the curtain and show what he has planned for you. The road of Christianity is not easy. It’s not smooth. It’s white water on a river that has the power to flip you out of your boat any second – but God is always there to pull us out and give us new breath after we’ve been tossed in the rushing waters.

I’ve found myself clinging to Him like a baby clings on to his or her mother, or like a kitten clinging onto a tree after it’s climbed to the top. I’ve been constantly telling myself to always turn to Him, no matter what I’m facing. Whether it be anxiety over a test or something terribly worse, I’m always turning to Him. And believe me, that’s the best thing to do.

With graduation coming up in nine months (it seems like a long way away but let me tell you, those nine months are going to fly by), I have started to really dive into researching some jobs I may be able to take up, as well as missionary scholarships I can apply for in college. All of a sudden, all I can think about is what I want to major and minor in college and where I’ll live when I move back to Georgia. I want to be with my best friends and family in Georgia, but at the same time I want to keep on travelling and look into YWAM (Youth With A Mission) opportunities. I’ve been so torn.

Over the past week I’ve really been looking for comfort in His word and just thought I’d share some verses with you.

Psalm 27:1 – The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 23:4 – Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 9:9 – The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

John 14:16-17 – And I will ask the father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever – the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him or knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.

That last passage hit me like a semi truck coming at me at full speed. I saw this verse and tears immediately welled up in my eyes, and I just praised God. These small moments are what my family calls “God winks”. It’s when God does something so small and simple to say “Can’t you see? I have walked before you! I know your future! I am holding you!” The last sentence of the passage is what rings in my head constantly. “But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.”

Even though the best relationship I will ever have in my life is the one I have with Jesus, some relationships I have back in the states are the friendships I turn to in times like this. They are the friendships that I have made that will help me overcome any trial I may face. They are friendships that push me forward and encourage me, not drag me down and say I am nothing.

I’ve made some new friendships here as well, and to me, they definitely seem like God winks. One of these friends is Amy, a total Godsend. Amy has been to Uganda many times before and the Amazima Campus has been so grateful to have her on campus and working with us, and believe me when I say that I am so grateful for her, too! She’s helped me through a lot of my anxiety about college and has overall just been a great friend for me. So, Amy, if you’re reading this, thank you!

Another thing that’s helped me throughout these past few weeks is Steffany Gretiznger’s new album, Blackout. Here are just a few lyrics that really hit home for me:

“You’re always moving in the unseen, the breath you exhale sustaining me. Before I call you know my need, you are always going before me. I am confident your faithfulness will see me through.”

“You’re my hero. You’re the only One who is strong enough. You’re my hero. You always pick me up before I self-destruct.”

“Sometimes my very best is only my weakest yes. You see strength in every moment. Baby steps and short breaths – anything is progress. You sustain my ever moment.”

“Baby steps and short breaths – anything is progress” has to be one of my favorite lines. Every step of faith I take is progress, as long as I remember to grab onto God’s outstretched hand to lead me – and I will most definitely follow.

Living in Jinja, Uganda, is not always sunshine and rainbows.

It’s the start of our third term here at The Amazima School, and every bit of the staff knows it is going to fly by. Soon enough, 142 students will be packing their bags and leaving the school for a little over two months – and so will we.

However, I find term three the hardest to get through. Yes, excitement does build up and surge through me as I realize that there are only two more months until I get home and can see my friends and family. I find myself cherishing moments with our girls and spending much more time with them, because I am going to miss them all so so badly when I am back in America. But, I find myself wishing I didn’t have to deal with term three sometimes. That these two months could just not exist and I could be back with the people I’ve known for so long.

The past few weeks here haven’t been the greatest for me. I’ve found myself constantly asking God what else I can do and why am I here? I’ve felt like my role here at the school isn’t important and that Uganda would be fine with me back in the states. I’ve noticed that I am getting so easily agitated at the smallest things. I’ve been so confused, lost, hurt, and begging answers from God when I should know that the teacher is always silent during a test. I will get my answer, but it won’t be on my own timing. I’m just stuck in a constant state of “why are you allowing this to happen to me”?

Whenever I feel upset or down, I read Romans. It’s a book in the bible that hits home for me. The other day, while reading Romans for maybe the hundredth time, I read Romans 8:18 which says: “The pain that you’ve been feeling, can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.”

It seems to me that God is relentlessly trying to remind me that he knows my future. Yes, this may be a hard time in life. But he will turn it into something beautiful in the end. He will take the pieces of me that are broken and mend them together better than any glazier could. However, I need to be looking at the positives and permanently removing pieces of my life that are weighing me down and causing me sadness. I need to sort out my priorities, and find what I should be really valuing in my life. I should spend more time with my girls and dance with them, teach them, and serve them.

This blog is titled “Finding Him in my Brokenness” because right now, I may be broken. But, he is in the things I do. He has walked before me, not behind me. He is giving me joy and warmth and light through the things I do to teach the students here and to minister. That is my joy. That is my role here. That is HIM showing me that everything will be alright – and to just take his hand and step out onto troubling waters.

I leave you with this: Your brokenness is something He will fix. Your spiritual warfare is a war He will fight to keep you safe. His hand is THE hand to take when you feel like you’re drowning – and His name IS the name you need to call when you feel surrounded.

I would have posted my first official blog right after I posted my “intro” for Waiting in the Wings, but my knowledge of all things technology related has apparently left me and I have not been able to figure this website out! I’m still learning on how to work this, so if there are lots of changes throughout my posting, bear with me!

I’ve titled this blog post “Enjoying the Little Things” because when you live in a foreign country and don’t have the commodities that America has, you have to learn how to make the best out of some not-so-good situations. For example, we have scheduled – yes, I said scheduled – power outages here. We will be contacted by our power company and they will send out a chart that tells us what days of the week the power will go out, and how long the power outage will last. Half the time, power doesn’t even come back when the chart says it will.

So, during these power outages, my mom and I have started to play some cut-throat games of Scrabble with a flashlight in the middle of the table. We boil some water and make some tea, and get to playing. If the power is still out by the time we’ve finished, I like to pull out my ukulele or guitar and play some ironic songs that go along with the situation (songs like We Are The Light Of The World by Kari Jobe, I See The Light from Tangled, you get the idea).

This week has been particularly rough for me. A lot of things have been changing. I have one more month of junior year, then I immediately begin my senior year. That’s terrifying.

Two of my close friends moved back to the states for college, and my best friend, Cana, is back in the states for almost two months, but it’s only one more month, now. Friends in the states that I talk to everyday have jobs now and can’t talk as much as they used to. Three students from our class just recently left to go to the states for college as well, so only having two other students in class with me is oddly pressuring. I’m not home to be in acting or dance right now, either, so it’s hard getting to see my theater and dance friends, well, you know, do theater and dance. For some reason, I’ve felt more distant from America this week more than I ever have in this past year and a half.

However, I focus on the positives, and, you guessed it, enjoy the little things.

Our house-keeper, Lenah, recently started making mandazis. If you don’t know what mandazis are, they’re basically donuts without glaze. They taste just like a plain donut from America, and they’re DELICIOUS. She even puts lemon zest in them and it amplifies the taste by thousands. They’re amazing for a light breakfast, and will seriously help you start your day on a positive note.

I’ve recently remembered that I’m really, really into drawing. We moved here and I wasn’t able to bring a lot of my art supplies, so I haven’t drawn much ever since we moved. But, I picked up a sketch pad and pencil about a month ago and I haven’t been able to stop drawing. It’s so therapeutic.

Even though I may not get to talk to my friends in America as much, I still have fun during the little time we do get to talk, whether it be through video chatting or texting. We’re blessed to live in a generation where we are able to communicate people with such ease. Seeing a “hey, how are you?” message pop up on my phone or being able to see someone’s face even though we’re 8,000 miles apart really helps when I wish I could just be in America, surrounded by the people I love.

When I’m bored, I tend to dance outside with the girls and teach them a dance. So far they know The Macarena, The Cha Cha Slide, The Electric Slide, some dances that I’ve been taught from acting, and some original routines I’ve put together by myself. I love teaching them dancing styles that normally come from America, but I love learning Ugandan dances as well. I can’t choreograph a hip hop routine now without having a tiny bit of Ugandan moves mixed in there as well.

More little things that I enjoy will now be listed below.

• Home-made chicken nuggets with Chick-fil-A sauce sent over by my AMAZING Aunt Beth.
• Finding Muggle, (a dog that lives on campus) and watching her race towards me to say hello.
• Walking by myself to and from classes during the school day. It gives me time to breathe and think on what I’ve learned so far.
• Listening to our girls laugh hysterically as they crack jokes with mom.
• Listening to our girls sing the iconic “This is Me” song from Camp Rock without forgetting the lyrics.
• Our girls begging me to video chat some of my friends back in the states so that they can say hello. It gives them a chance to meet some family and friends that may not come visit, and it gives friends and family a chance to grow a small relationship with our girls.
• Learning Luganda.
• Speaking Luganda to someone in a village and seeing them smile wide and respond in Luganda.
• Grabbing milkshakes and having bible study with Cana.
• Watching another friend, Wyatt (who is actually here in Uganda and not in the states), try to dance on Wednesday night while the kids lead worship in chapel.

And last, but not least, I love little moments that I have by myself where I’m listening to some christian music and have a small moment that’s just me and Christ. Little moments where I stop moving and I close my eyes and praise Him for letting me live a life where I get to serve Him and share about Him daily.

When life here gets hard, I focus on the good and enjoy the little things. Hopefully, when life gets hard for you, you can focus on the good and enjoy the little things, too.

(P.S – one of the things that inspired me to write this was the fact that I’m “BABYSITTING” A KITTEN THIS WEEKEND, AND AS I WAS WAITING FOR MY BLOG TO LOAD, I LOOKED OVER AND SAW HIM SNUGGLED AGAINST ME, ASLEEP. I. Am. Blessed.)

Well, it’s finally happened! After living in Uganda, Africa for a year in a half, I’ve made my blog.

I’ve chosen the blog name “Waiting in the Wings” for many reasons. One of the reasons being that I’m in love with acting. I love the stage and the family-type relationship you gain with the cast of each show. I was part of an acting company called “Acting for the Almighty” for two years before we moved to Uganda, and I continue to be in their shows whenever I return to the states each Christmas.

The term “wings” in stage-talk means the sides of a theater stage out of view of the audience. The cast members that are about to go on for the next scene usually sit there, waiting for their cue to go on stage. So, I took “waiting in the wings” and defined it as waiting for God to give me my cue to go onto the next big stage in life. Each time you go onstage, you’re onstage because you’re in a scene. I’m waiting in the wings for God to tell me when to go on for my next scene.

I also chose the name “Waiting in the Wings” because I love to travel. I love exploring far away places, and that, of course, means flying in an airplane. Now, I don’t particularly enjoy flying itself, but I love to sit on the window seat of the plane and see all of the clouds right next to me. I love to look down and see the land far below us, and see all of God’s creation. It’s a breath-taking sight, and also gives me the opportunity to take some amazing pictures!

In this blog, I’ll be sharing with you many, many things. I’ll share some of my travel experiences, update you some on how life in Uganda is going, and most of all, share how God is revealing to me what my next “scene” or “stage” in life may be. I hope you enjoy waiting in the wings with me!