Living in Jinja, Uganda, is not always sunshine and rainbows.

It’s the start of our third term here at The Amazima School, and every bit of the staff knows it is going to fly by. Soon enough, 142 students will be packing their bags and leaving the school for a little over two months – and so will we.

However, I find term three the hardest to get through. Yes, excitement does build up and surge through me as I realize that there are only two more months until I get home and can see my friends and family. I find myself cherishing moments with our girls and spending much more time with them, because I am going to miss them all so so badly when I am back in America. But, I find myself wishing I didn’t have to deal with term three sometimes. That these two months could just not exist and I could be back with the people I’ve known for so long.

The past few weeks here haven’t been the greatest for me. I’ve found myself constantly asking God what else I can do and why am I here? I’ve felt like my role here at the school isn’t important and that Uganda would be fine with me back in the states. I’ve noticed that I am getting so easily agitated at the smallest things. I’ve been so confused, lost, hurt, and begging answers from God when I should know that the teacher is always silent during a test. I will get my answer, but it won’t be on my own timing. I’m just stuck in a constant state of “why are you allowing this to happen to me”?

Whenever I feel upset or down, I read Romans. It’s a book in the bible that hits home for me. The other day, while reading Romans for maybe the hundredth time, I read Romans 8:18 which says: “The pain that you’ve been feeling, can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.”

It seems to me that God is relentlessly trying to remind me that he knows my future. Yes, this may be a hard time in life. But he will turn it into something beautiful in the end. He will take the pieces of me that are broken and mend them together better than any glazier could. However, I need to be looking at the positives and permanently removing pieces of my life that are weighing me down and causing me sadness. I need to sort out my priorities, and find what I should be really valuing in my life. I should spend more time with my girls and dance with them, teach them, and serve them.

This blog is titled “Finding Him in my Brokenness” because right now, I may be broken. But, he is in the things I do. He has walked before me, not behind me. He is giving me joy and warmth and light through the things I do to teach the students here and to minister. That is my joy. That is my role here. That is HIM showing me that everything will be alright – and to just take his hand and step out onto troubling waters.

I leave you with this: Your brokenness is something He will fix. Your spiritual warfare is a war He will fight to keep you safe. His hand is THE hand to take when you feel like you’re drowning – and His name IS the name you need to call when you feel surrounded.