It’s 11:52 at night and I can’t sleep. So many thoughts are running around in my head.

Before I started to write this blog, I started to think of some relationships I have back in the states and how I can incorporate them in this blog. If you read my last post, you know that I’ve been going through some trials throughout the past few weeks. I wrote about finding the Father in the midst of my brokenness and how He has filled me with unending joy and courage to face the day before me.

To follow-up on that recent update, I’ve been keeping a watch out for things God may be showing me. However, I think we all know that God doesn’t just pull back the curtain and show what he has planned for you. The road of Christianity is not easy. It’s not smooth. It’s white water on a river that has the power to flip you out of your boat any second – but God is always there to pull us out and give us new breath after we’ve been tossed in the rushing waters.

I’ve found myself clinging to Him like a baby clings on to his or her mother, or like a kitten clinging onto a tree after it’s climbed to the top. I’ve been constantly telling myself to always turn to Him, no matter what I’m facing. Whether it be anxiety over a test or something terribly worse, I’m always turning to Him. And believe me, that’s the best thing to do.

With graduation coming up in nine months (it seems like a long way away but let me tell you, those nine months are going to fly by), I have started to really dive into researching some jobs I may be able to take up, as well as missionary scholarships I can apply for in college. All of a sudden, all I can think about is what I want to major and minor in college and where I’ll live when I move back to Georgia. I want to be with my best friends and family in Georgia, but at the same time I want to keep on travelling and look into YWAM (Youth With A Mission) opportunities. I’ve been so torn.

Over the past week I’ve really been looking for comfort in His word and just thought I’d share some verses with you.

Psalm 27:1 – The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 23:4 – Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 9:9 – The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

John 14:16-17 – And I will ask the father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever – the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him or knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.

That last passage hit me like a semi truck coming at me at full speed. I saw this verse and tears immediately welled up in my eyes, and I just praised God. These small moments are what my family calls “God winks”. It’s when God does something so small and simple to say “Can’t you see? I have walked before you! I know your future! I am holding you!” The last sentence of the passage is what rings in my head constantly. “But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.”

Even though the best relationship I will ever have in my life is the one I have with Jesus, some relationships I have back in the states are the friendships I turn to in times like this. They are the friendships that I have made that will help me overcome any trial I may face. They are friendships that push me forward and encourage me, not drag me down and say I am nothing.

I’ve made some new friendships here as well, and to me, they definitely seem like God winks. One of these friends is Amy, a total Godsend. Amy has been to Uganda many times before and the Amazima Campus has been so grateful to have her on campus and working with us, and believe me when I say that I am so grateful for her, too! She’s helped me through a lot of my anxiety about college and has overall just been a great friend for me. So, Amy, if you’re reading this, thank you!

Another thing that’s helped me throughout these past few weeks is Steffany Gretiznger’s new album, Blackout. Here are just a few lyrics that really hit home for me:

“You’re always moving in the unseen, the breath you exhale sustaining me. Before I call you know my need, you are always going before me. I am confident your faithfulness will see me through.”

“You’re my hero. You’re the only One who is strong enough. You’re my hero. You always pick me up before I self-destruct.”

“Sometimes my very best is only my weakest yes. You see strength in every moment. Baby steps and short breaths – anything is progress. You sustain my ever moment.”

“Baby steps and short breaths – anything is progress” has to be one of my favorite lines. Every step of faith I take is progress, as long as I remember to grab onto God’s outstretched hand to lead me – and I will most definitely follow.